Just a Domestic Dispute……

That’s how Virginia police characterized the first shooting at Virginia Tech University this morning. Two women dead – assaulted and killed by the one’s ex-boyfriend; but of no real consequence because it was just a domestic dispute. That’s how women and children are marginalized, dismissed.  A man can kill or rape any woman or child he knows or is related to - and that violence is categorized as less than the very same acts committed upon the bodies of strangers. That’s why the campus wasn’t shut down, you know – that and they had already arrested the very first Asian man they saw – ignoring his pleas of innocence, ignoring the fact that he was unarmed, figuring he had to be the shooter because, well, he was Asian, right?

So nothing else was done.  No one looked to see if there was someone marching through campus dressed conspicuously in a flack jacket and carrying two .9 millimeter pistols.  After all – the killing had been dealt with.  It was only a domestic dispute. Well I hope those words come back to haunt that fucking police chief. I hope they haunt that bastard into his grave, hanging around his neck like a millstone. Thirty more people died (I’m not counting the gunman because, frankly, I don’t count mass murderers) because the police decided two dead women were of little consequence. Those 30 would still be alive, still be attending classes, still out partying with their friends, having dinner with their families - if not for the way women are routinely relegated to the back of the bus – even in death. Domestic dispute!  That girl and her roommate – were they any less dead because they were killed by someone one of them had dated?  Yet the crime is considered somehow less worthy.  That campus was not shut down because the police didn’t think it was important enough to do so, period.  And they didn’t consider it important because the killings had been pigeonholed as domestic.

Ever thought about that?  When you hear on the news that some poor woman has been shot to death in a ‘domestic dispute’, do you have the same emotional reaction as if the newscaster had said “a gunman today shot and killed a woman in front of her home”.  That’s scarier, isn’t it?  Why?  And the punishment’s different too.  Wife and child killers are not sentenced to as many years in jail as stranger killers; or even as long as abused women who defensively kill their spouses.  The message is clear enough – women are of less value.  A dead man is more important than a dead woman.  You tell me that that campus wouldn’t have been shut down tighter than a preacher’s ass if the first two victims had been male!  Wanna know why there’s such a kafuffle over Kos and his marginalization of Kathy Sierra? Or why so many women – on both sides of the political spectrum – went nuclear over Don Imus’ clueless verbal assault on female athletes? It’s because we’ve absolutely had it, that’s why.  We’ve had it with the way we are treated in society and we’re not going to take it sitting down anymore.  Fuck misogynists and the horse they rode in on!  We’re gonna start hitting back. Hard.  I hope the parents of those murdered children sue the state of Virginia into bankruptcy. It’s the only thing that gets this patriarchal society’s attention. Don’t hit ‘em in the balls – hit ‘em in the pocketbook.  Take the motherfucker’s birthdays away.  Then maybe the next 'domestic dispute', the bastards will sit up and take notice.

My heart and prayers go out to all the dead and wounded and those who love them. 

Addendum:  They are now reporting that the shooter was not, in fact, an ex-boyfriend of the first woman killed; making the police assumption that this was nothing more than a 'domestic dispute' all the worse.  Had it been investigated as a 'stranger killing' from the get-go - lives would probably have been saved.

Comments

[JimmyDean'sFuckedUpCousinClyde]

I understand your anger. Slowly it is getting better for the women to be able to have a compassionate audience when they have been endangered. Slowly the laws and those who enforce them are becoming more responsive. Slowly they are losing some of their legal system second-class status.

But this situation was horrifying because of the misconstruction of what happened. I believe the police when they claim it was "just domestic" in nature; classically, abusers kill only the targets of their abuse, and it seems that was what was thought to have taken place. Likewise, it seems no one actually took note of the gunman-- who looked for all the world like any other bundled up student in the wintry weather-- as he made his way across campus to the engineering building.

I don't think the choice of "just a domestic dispute" an appropriate phrase for the police chief to have used. I believe he was saying it to explain why they didn't suspect a more murderous intent, and why they didn't lockdown the campus. His language was inappropriate. But I think from having seen him on a video he was in shock himself---I don't count as critically things people say when they are in shock.
And I am not condoning it.
I think the scenario was so freakish that it caught everyone off guard.
In America suicide bombers are relatively unknown, thank God. But if ever there was a place where bombers would have a heyday it would be any USA large university----I don't want to think about this.
I may have been with one of the VaTech students this weekend at a sporting event with my son who attends another university. He tells me everyone at his school (in Philadelphia,PA) is in shock. I am fearing hearing the names of the slain. It is difficult to take a deep breath. My wife and I couldn't eat tonight because of the tears... I am so saddened by this act of insanity.
May God give strength to the families. May they find it in their hearts to forgive. May they find peace with this tragedy.

[The Fat Lady Sings]

Oh, honey - I hope you don't find out you knew one of the families. That would be terrible. The whole things terrible. It's just the straw that broke the camels back for me. All the bullshit over Imus, all that talk about the marginalization of women and now this. It wasn't only the police chief who said 'just a domestic dispute' - everyone is saying it - reporter after reporter after student after FBI commentator. Like that was dismissible. Like it didn’t matter. I understand your point - I do; but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I've volunteered in women’s shelters; I've tried to rescue battered friends. Cops just don’t take violence against women and children as seriously as they do stranger on stranger crime. I think they put this one to bed as soon as they decided it was 'domestic'. That means no one even thought to take ordinary care. And I'm angry.

You and your family are in my prayers, my dear.

[mirth]

Me too, have you in my heart tonight JDFUCClyde.

This is an EXCELLENT post. I have said and written almost the same words many times.

Here's one more way to think about this tragedy:

http://noquarter.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/04/now_do_you_unde.html

[mirth]

Oops.
The addy doesn't post as a link.

Not to minimize, in any way, the killings in Virginia...

The gist of the very good article is that yesterday 65 Iraqis were killed. This too should be headlines on our news media.

[The Fat Lady Sings]

I understand your point. As a matter of fact it's the first thing that came to mind when news of the massacre began to hit the airwaves. I thought of downtown Bagdad. This happens every day in Iraq - more than once every day, in more than one city. I remember reading that 1500 Iraqi's have died so far this month. Americans can hardly even conceive of that number. I wish we could. If everyday America could conceptualize the idea of 1500 dead and apply it to what happened today at Virginia Tech - maybe Bush would find his ass impeached.

[sumo]

It's hard to really have anything to say. FLS you did a wonderful job of getting your feelings off your chest. Something has got to give. You should have a spot on Keith O's hour where you give your best bitch of the day over whatever has gotten your goat. His ratings would really go through the roof. I'd pay to see that.

[Missouri Mule]

The first thing I thought of when they started reporting on the "massacre" was Iraq and the women and children that are raped and murdered in Africa on a daily basis. Would someone please explain to me why we are so shocked and applauded when it happens here and could give a rat's ass when it's in another country? At least this was just the insanity of one sick individual, not an entire nation's. Let's see how much air time this story gets compared to the massacre in Africa and Iraq.

[sbgypsy]

I agree, the first thing I thought after I got over the numbing shock was that it was barely what Baghdad sees on a daily basis.

I was so disappointed that KO did all VT all night. By the end of the hour I was shocked and numbed all over again. If I had known it was to be all VT, I would have turned it off after 5 minutes, because he only really had 5 minutes worth of info, and that's all I could take.

[The Fat Lady Sings]

Have you heard the latest about the shooter? Information coming out today only reinforces my earlier opinion. He lived on campus; probably in the dorm where the first shooting took place. Though the first person killed was a girl the shooter either knew or was stalking; the second was the dorms resident advisor shot coming to her aid. Wouldn’t that suggest to you that there is someone armed and dangerous running around campus? After the first killings, the shooter evidently went back into his dorm room (which may actually have been in the same building as the first two killings), wrote an ‘I’m pissed off so I’m gonna go kill now’ note, armed himself further, then marched across campus to his next target. All this took him a little over two hours. Had the University police not dismissed the first shooting as 'domestic' in nature – had it been looked upon from the get-go as an investigatable crime (instead of dismissed as a domestic squabble); had the campus then been put on alert - dorms locked down, classes cancelled - the shooter would have had nowhere to go. He probably would have just shot himself and been done with it; and the final massacre might have either been avoided or ameliorated. There is just no way that man could have walked across campus whilst armed to the teeth – not unnoticed, at any rate. And if classes HAD been cancelled, he would not have found such easy targets. It was like shooting fish in a barrel - three classrooms full of dead students and faculty. No - no matter how you look at it – institutionalized sexism played a role in this massacre. As I understand it – gender issues were even touched upon in the shooters suicide note – an issue I plan to address in a later essay. Bottom line – this could have been lessened if not avoided. It’s time we all had that substantive discussion on gender, class and race I’ve been harping after. And if not now – when?

And yes - I do dearly wish we here in America would look at what's happening in Bagdad in the same light as this incident. There was a massacre on an Iraqi campus a few months ago. Just as many people died - mostly girls, as they were the primary target. Where was the outrage then? I know this was home turf. I know that adds to the emotion. I feel it too; but we lost that many (and more) troops last month. They were kids too - no older than the Virginia Tech students. Something's gotta give, my friends. We have to look at our society and make some profound changes. The shooter's note reeked of 'I be male and all those awful (rich, American, FEMALE – take you’re pick) people have denied me my gender-given rights’.

[Britisher]

Arrived here via Sumo Merriment...

There's perhaps a certain degree of hindsight in your specific criticism, but nontheless the words used so seem revealing. When I first heard that reported I thought; why should the police take the view that the intial incident was a "domestic dispute?". Such incidents all too often occur outside a home or places of work (and frequently when a restraining order is "in effect") but I can't think of an equivalnet situation ever occuring at a college (and there are many practical and societal reasons why--too extensive to get into right now).
Clearly nothing had been learned from Columbine or Littleton.

But your major point is about the status of women, isn't it? And how everything from disregard to outright misogyny has funndamentally serious consequences for women and society as a whole?

Are women "undervalued" as a whole? I think they are. Does that attitude shape society? Yes it does. Are the reactions of the authorites to this incident ilustrative of the staus of women and the prevalent attitudes of male authority and priorities? I think they are.

There is often an exception to the rule, but I do think you've nailed down at least one "rule" that is not an exception. This awful event is a fair example, and I agree with you.

[The Fat Lady Sings]

Good Afternoon, Britisher -

The term 'domestic' is still being applied to this massacre on every report I see - how the campus police really cannot be held responsible because they thought the first murders were part of a 'domestic dispute'. We won't even get into what I think about calling cold-blooded murder a 'dispute'. The use of 'domestic' is troubling enough. You know - the older I get the more aware I become of gender inequality. Perhaps its sex related. I've been married more than 20 years, so I'm not out actively seeking a mate. Women who are still looking tend to excuse the most appalling behavior from men. I don't know why - we just do. I listen to my unmarried girlfriends (the straight ones) and I am appalled at the boorish behavior that gets swept under the rug. But I did it too when I was single. We just don’t call men out in our personal relationships. That makes identifying and eliminating sexist behavior in the boardroom all the more difficult. I don’t mean to turn this into a class on gender – but I see it as all related. Violence against women and children is often passed off as excusable. I think that has roots into the kinds of interpersonal relationships men and women have been having with one another. If we let men push us around in the bedroom – they will continue that pushing on the street as well. Leopards don’t change their spots overnight. If women want men to stop devaluing them – they have to begin insisting on being valued everywhere all the time. Lysistrata, my friend. No respect, no equality? No relationship, no nookie. Period.

[Britisher]

And ...well good evening (at this point) to you 'FLS'.
Quoting you: "I don’t mean to turn this into a class on gender – but I see it as all related".
Ha HA! But you do mean to do so , and reasonably too!
Also quoting :"If women want men to stop devaluing them – they have to begin insisting on being valued everywhere all the time. Lysistrata, my friend. No respect, no equality? No relationship, no nookie. Period."
The Lysistrata gambit is IMHO essentially unworkable (it took me years to realise that women are as horny as men) but the philosophical foundation of that gambit is sound. And I suspect your are correct in asserting that private relationships translates to public relationships and affect society as a whole. The notion of sexual primacy is ludicrous to me, and that the structure and actions of society should be based on such a notion is also ridiculous.
I'm not sure how this imbalance of the sexes got started but it is high time it ended. And in a way this isn;t a gender issue overall, but an issue of humanity, philosophically speaking. But philosophy leads to action and turns into policy all to easily, which turns into habit and social consensus.
This one tiny phrase you latched upon is indeed indicative of a larger problem which I think yuo have already clearly articulated. From tiny acorns mighty oaks do grow--or soemthing like that. Keep complaining--you do it rationally--and one of these days I hope a proper parity will be etablished. Not that such a thing will solve alll our problems butI suspect it would eliminate many of them.
So...blog on!

[The Fat Lady Sings]

When I said I didn't mean to turn this into a class on gender - I meant I could literally write reams on the subject. I do actually mean to write a book one day - on how the images and messages we use to define the genders divide them instead. We have several commercials here that illustrate those differences perfectly. For example: One shows a woman very ill in bed. Her husband is so inept; he burns his shirt whilst ironing and very nearly sets the house afire. So - the woman has to pull herself up out of her sick bed, down the advertisers featured cold remedy and rescue her ‘idiot’ husband. I'm sure you can have a field day with all the negative stereo-typing going on. Man as five year old child, woman as mommy not wife, etc. etc. This type of bullshit is also the basis of almost every TV sit-com as well. Women and men are without exception featured as incompatible - enemies in some cases – fighting each other for control. Cooperation? Equality? You must be kidding! Oh honey! I could go on forever citing chapter and verse! We have constructed a gulf so wide its gonna take years of concentrated effort to even measure its depth.

And that quip I made regarding Lysistrata? I didn’t necessarily mean the classical, literal interpretation (though I did use it as an exemplar). Women have absolutely got to stop encouraging the kinds of negative behavior in men that will bite them both in the ass later on. In the all-encompassing quest for a mate – woman as a group allow men to treat them like prime pieces of aged beef. Sex happens even if the man involved is a died-in-the-wool asshole. I say we allow it; but in truth, most women don’t think they deserve better. We are taught from girlhood to revere men and distrust other females. Even those of us conscious of the indoctrination are often helpless to contravene it. We really have to learn to say ‘fuck you’ (in the abstract) and move on. There are more woman than men on the face of the planet. We could really change things if we tried. And that’s how I meant the ‘Lysistrata’ principle to be applied.

Good discussion!

[sumo]

Glad to bring two smart people together.

[PFG]

Thank you thank you thank you.
For your honesty and for your insight. Thank you so much for promoting public discourse on this.